I personally, find it interesting to write this article, this is to help my dear friends who are finding troubles in their relationship, sometimes it’s just the matter of understanding certain basic things that helps build a relationship.
1.MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP PART OF YOUR TOP MOST PRIORITY
Relationships are like living things: they are either growing or dying. Relationships grow and flourish when we invest and nurture them. When relationships are struggling, it’s often a sign that they have been neglected. To strengthen a struggling relationship, you must make it a top priority of your time and energy.
2. ACCEPT THAT DISSAPOINTMENT WILL HAPPEN IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP
Disappointment happens when our expectations don’t match reality. Two people will always have differences in their expectations. This means that disappointments will happen in every relationship. We have a tendency to focus on the negative and we then use this “evidence” to reinforce the belief that our relationships are filled with disappointment. Instead, accept that disappointment happens. Choose to focus on the parts that have fulfilled your expectations and even brought unplanned blessings.
3. DON’T MAKE DEROGATORY COMMENTS, INSULT AND BELLITING REMARKS
The words you use are powerful. When you put down your partner or your relationship, you are causing damage. Choose to break habits that damage the relationship, especially when you feel frustrated and disappointed. Use words that show respect, love, and hope. Plant the seeds you want to grow.
4. DON’T STONE WALL
Stonewalling is a passive-aggressive tactic that may seem neutral, but is very damaging. Whenever you ignore, stall, and refuse to participate, you are stonewalling. It is a power-play intended to break down the opposition. It keeps the relationship in a “me versus you” dynamic. For a relationship to survive, it must be an “us against the world” commitment.
5. DON’T PLAY THE BLAME GAME
This is a game no one wins. Even if you are successful in blaming all your problems on your partner, you still are stuck with all those problems and the feelings that come with them. The only way to begin transforming your problems into solutions is to take full responsibility for the parts you play. Stop blaming and start creating the relationship you want.
6. LET GO. OFF THE DESIRE TO FIX OR CHANGE YOUR PARTNER
William Glasser teaches in Choice Theory that the key to changing any relationship is to fully accept that you cannot change anyone except yourself. The sooner you fully accept this as truth, the sooner you will begin to heal and grow together. All of us long to be loved and accepted for who we are. When your partner feels that you are not ashamed or disappointed, then he/she may feel supported to choose to change. Meanwhile, focus on changing and improving yourself.
7. FOCUS ON THE QUALITIES YOU LOVE AND RESPECT YOUR PARTNER
Remember the moments and reasons why this person became special and important to you. Trust that all those things are still true. Close your eyes and hold those moments in your heart. Allow yourself to feel again the love, pride, and respect that you felt. Return to these moments to revitalize your commitment to strengthen your realtionship.